Lisa Hendrix

That’s us out there.

The Earth and the moon, as seen from Mars.

Image acquired on 10/03/2007, by the HiRISE camera on NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter.

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

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Okay, my secret is out.  I like puns. If you do, too, please share your favorite in Comments.  I would love to start a collection.  Shaggy Dog stories are good, too!

If you don’t have a good one, check out  R U SERIOUS for more groaners.

Enjoy,

PS:  Per Wikipedia, paronomasia is “a phrase that deliberately exploits confusion between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect.”  In other words, a pun.  See, you can groan and learn at the same time.

I have a couple of Google Alerts set up to let me know when references to my books appear on-line. So far, most of the references to Immortal Warrior I receive have something to do with World of Warcraft or some other computer or online game. I hit delete and they’re gone

This morning, however, I got a notice about a YouTube video titled “manowar Hymn of the Immortal Warrior.”  Curious, I clicked.

For those who don’t know, Manowar (NOT pictured at left) is a heavy metal band. They lean toward fantasy, steel, leather, swords, and lyrics that include the words Valhalla, Odin, and death. And they’re outsiders in many ways, kind of the Grateful Dead of metal. In other words, a band my warriors might approve of. 

I am so glad I clicked.

I liked it. I liked it a lot. I liked the slightly cheesy pageantry. I liked the fact that every oddly-costumed metalhead in the crowd knew the lyrics and sang along like it was their anthem.  I liked the accurately dressed Viking warriors who came on to act out the death of a brave warrior.  I liked it even though I generally loathe heavy metal (on mornings when I wouldn’t get up, my first husband used to crank up the metal on the stereo because he knew I’d come flying out of bed to smack the power button. And that’s when I was 19.  Don’t even ask what I’d do now).

I liked it so much that I’ve imbedded the video at the top of my Extras page.  I hope you’ll go take a look, expand  your horizons a bit. Don’t worry, it’s safe; I checked out the written lyrics, just to be sure. (Manowar’s site is a different matter—they are heavy metal rockers, after all—so be aware.)

I also looked up Manowar on Wikipedia. Seems these guys control their whole operation, from recording to distribution to merchandising. But what really tickled me (see why) is that one of their merchandising efforts is condoms, sold on their website (and presumably at their concerts), among the lanyards and jammers and T-shirts (under Merchandise/Special on their site, if you want to look).

Their brand name?  Warrior’s Shield.

I can’t help but think my guys would approve of that, too.

On one of the reader-oriented email lists I’m on, the group moderator (who is brilliant at starting up good discussions) recently asked what everyone thought about condoms in romance novels. She wanted to know whether the failure to address some realistic approach to birth/disease control makes a book a wallbanger or whether the mere mention of such things destroys the fantasy for which many of us read romance. As an author, I followed the discussion with great interest; even though I’m writing historicals right now, I have written contemporary romances in the past (which showed condom use, btw) and surely will again. So what, I wondered, do readers want?

As you can imagine, there were strong opinions in both camps, with one or two people quite vehement that condoms interfered with enjoyment both in books and in real life. 

But one woman came down on the other side, and did it with such clarity and passion and good humor that I asked if I could post part of her response here. She kindly gave permission, so here, from romsfuulynn:

It seems to me that condoms are part of the play, the overall experience, and part of life. Sex can involve accidental hair pulling, muscle cramps in legs, arms, etc, books that got cast aside poking someone with a sharp corner or pinching people in a bad place, falling off or almost falling of the bed (or desk or kitchen counter, or what have you), champagne, beer, coke, milk, ice water or what have you getting tipped over and flooding the field of play (it’s COLD and WET), scratchy surfaces, hard surfaces, beard burn, leg hair scratchiness, other shaved area scratchiness, chafing of almost anything, rug burn, insect bites, sand in unfortunate places, children knocking at the door, phones ringing, doors you didn’t lock, object supporting activity being insufficiently sturdy and breaking, creaking, squeaking. Not to mention being very pregnant or recently post partum.

At least I’ve never had a gun go off like one of Jenny Crusie’s heroines did.

Sex beats no sex. Hands down. (Although hands can be a lot of fun too.) Condoms are the least of it.

Yes, maybe no condom is better for a guy, but that’s life and over time, it all works out. For me, fictional sex should reflect the absurdity of life and the power sex has to overcome distractions. I don’t particularly like sex that is portrayed as dreamy or perfect - sex is better than being merely perfect, it is overwhelming.

Or maybe it’s just my husband. . .

Lucky woman. She’s been married 35 years.

What do you think?  Can a love scene that uses a condom still be romantic?  Share your thoughts on romance and real life. (Keep your language clean, please. Children may be present)

Is something in the air?  Discussions of romance book covers are suddenly all over the web.

First I popped into DearAuthor and found Cover Identification, Susan Holloway Scott’s well-illustrated overview of romance covers from the various publishers. (Lovely cover, btw, Susan.)

Then I ran into a post at Word Wenches titled Cover Conspiracy, which responds to an article in the Philadelphia Inquirer about how romance covers “say women are dumb” (the PI’s words, not mine or the Wenches!). 

And then I opened a Barnes and Noble email expecting an e-coupon and discovered instead an announcement of a new feature series at B&N.com called “Cover Story” which features the artists/art directors who are responsible for book covers (coming soon — a romance cover designer by the name of Judy York).  

All of which demonstrates how ideas propagate through by some mysterious means—which is why an editor will suddenly get five stories about singing swords and pregnant window-washers in one month (no, no one ’stole’ your idea).

And which also reminds me of the wonderful World of Longmire romance cover spoofs, which I didn’t discover today, but which still make me snort most unattractively.

Around the Hendrix household, Mother’s Day means I get to be bossier than usual…but only in the nicest way, of course. To avoid boxes of chocolate that wind up on my hips and flowers that wind up in the compost pile, I’ve taken to being very specific about what I want for Mother’s Day.  This year it was Lemon Ricotta Pancakes from a recipe that appeared in the local paper this week, a strong suggestion for Jewelry to be picked out by my daughter (who understands my tastes quite well and has since she was, like, four), and an outing to the local Arts Festival, which the city fathers wisely hold on Mom’s Day weekend so that we can force our families to join us. Otherwise, I suspect the streets would be full of unaccompanied women.

So, the pancakes were excellent. The recipe called for blueberry compote on top, but we were unexpectedly short of blueberries, so the above-mentioned daughter opted for raspberries. Superb choice. These pancakes are almost, but not quite, South Beach friendly, so I’m going to tweak the recipe a bit, and then I’ll post it here.

The jewelry somehow morphed into an FM transmitter for my iPod.  I was so excited, it didn’t even notice the lack of precious metals until much later. Usually things with cords are off-limits for holiday gifts unless I specifically ask for it — like the Dremel I requested one year. But the kids knew I’d been looking at the FM transmitters, so they suggested it to the Big Guy and the three of them split it.  Now I can listen to my RWA Workshop recordings while I tool around town or have music in “the gaps” when I travel — where we live is surrounded by mountains and far from any other population center of any size, so when we leave town, there are miles and miles with NO RADIO. Barbarous. Boring.  And now, solved, thanks to my kids!

After breakfast, and after forcibly disconnecting my son from his iPod, we trekked off to the Arts Festival. The plaza and two streets were blocked off for art booths, garden stuff, food, demonstrations, children’s activities, and the pièce de résistance, the Smudge Pot Art competition. Smudge pots are the old style orchard heaters that gave off lots of smoke to keep the trees warm when temperatures dipped below freezing (the one on the left in the pic is pretty much unmodified except for paint).  I live in orchard country, and there are plenty of them around, though they’re seldom used any more (thank goodness).

Once a year, our local artists go nuts and decorate one, using whatever techniques strike their fancy.  It’s our version of the art-cows that some towns host, and as in the case of the cows, the results range from sublime to silly. The picture is of a previous year, but you get the idea. This year, someone quilted a watercolor-style cover for the entire smudge pot, including stack. Another artist wove a multi-colored, fringe-y covering. One had an adorable folk-art chicken nesting on top. Everybody votes, and then the smudge pots are auctioned off to benefit local arts organizations. (Here’s more on the pots and the auction.)

Smudge pots are, however, are not the sort of thing I’d display in my house—even the quilted one, as beautiful as it was (sorry, didn’t get a pic).  But one of the local quilters groups (the Material Girls) was auctioning off the most amazing quilt. I never buy raffle tickets for anything, except at RWA functions that benefit literacy, but I plunked down my money today without hesitation.

Here’s the pic the Big Guy took. Even with the odd sun angle and the shadow of the overhead power line and the raffle information pinned to it, you can see how amazing it is. Click here to get to a bigger version.

I want this quilt. I lust after this quilt. I will win this quilt.

When I do, I will take a better picture of it to post here, and then I’ll redecorate my entire bedroom to go with it. The raffle isn’t until November 9, though, and I fear my fingers and toes will be cramped beyond use by then from being crossed. Will someone kindly take shifts with me?

So, that was the planned portion of my day.  Once we got home, I plunked down to take a nap, eat BLTs (yum), and then fired up the computer while I watched some of the Eureka marathon on SciFi Channel, which I enjoy a great deal (any excuse to watch Matt Frewer—and Colin Ferguson isn’t too shabby, either).

And that’s when I discovered that IMMORTAL WARRIOR is now available for pre-order on Amazon, a lovely surprise, even if the cover and the rest of the info aren’t up yet.

So, all in all, a great day. Please share what you did today, whether you celebrated Mother’s Day or not.

I’ll be back later this week with something more “writerly.”  Have fun ’til then.

Rose graphic courtesy Pat’s Web Graphics

A virtual blanket of roses to the brave, beautiful Eight Belles, lost today after placing second in the Kentucky Derby when both front ankles shattered during the post-race gallop.

My heart goes out to the jockey, trainer, owners, exercise boys/girls, and all who knew and loved her.

…and I cannnot tell you how pleased I am with it.  The initial idea came from my editor, and then the terrific Art Department at Berkley put it all together. Between them, they’ve captured the feel of the story perfectly.

This is always the most exciting part of the process for me, next to the day the finished book lands in my hand.  It used to be that we never saw the art until we got the cover flat. Now we get preliminary artwork, then the finished covers, via email.  We still get the actual cover flats, which are front, back, and spine printed all on one sheet, with a fold-over that includes information for the sales reps to use (quotes, reviews, previous sales info, etc.). But although it’s fun—and useful—to have them, the thrill comes when you first get to see the art with the title font and how they’ve put it all together.

And honestly, is this young man a hunk, or what? To get a better look at that six-pack,  check out a larger version here.

Yesterday I received an email from a new fan who had discovered Runaway Bay on her bookshelf (she’s not sure how it got there) and enjoyed it.  I answered, of course, and we traded a couple of rounds of email.  Then, yesterday afternoon, she sent me this:

This is Abigail.  Here’s what her mother had to say:

I know this looks like a staged photo but what makes it so great is that it absolutely is not. I had your book on the table and she picked it up. I thought it was rather serendipitous that the same day I correspond with you my daughter gives me this unexpected opportunity for a great photo. 

Now you have photographic proof that your writing appeals to all ages. I think I will keep her away from the love scenes for as long as I can though. I promise to stop crowding your email, this pic was just too cute to keep to myself. 

Okay, I know she should be reading Pat the Bunny, but I can’t help grinning like a fool.  Thanks to her mom, Brooke, for giving me permission to post.

a) the Universe’s way of mocking us.

b) here, baby, and don’t pretend it isn’t.

c) a fun new book by Sheila Roberts.

d) motivation to finally lose a few pounds.

e) all of the above.

Answer:  e, all of the above.

I spent a pleasant Sunday morning reading answer c), Bikini Season, the latest from Sheila Roberts, author of last Christmas’s delightful On Strike for Christmas.

What a treat!  By the time I closed the book, I felt like I’d made five new friends, plus had regained motivation to get back onto the South Beach Diet that helped me take off ten pounds last winter.

Roberts takes us back to Heart Lake, WA, where the members of a local cooking club have realized they’re all starting to pile up health and emotional issues related to weight. They decide to keep the club together as a support group and learn to cook healthy. Unfortunately, the various men in their lives have, shall we say, less than helpful reactions.

Every word of this book rang true, from the candy gifts one loving husband insists on giving his dieting wife, to the emotional eating another woman has to learn to overcome.  If there’s a woman who hasn’t been there, done that, bought the t-shirt…well, I want to send her a pencil. (You’ll have to read the book to get the reference, ’cause I ain’t gonna tell.)

But this book isn’t just about weight.  It’s about goals, being honest with yourself, asking for what you need and want, and knowing you’re important.  Sheila Roberts has another romantic women’s fiction winner here, full of humor, truth, and wonderful women’s friendships.  Buy this book for yourself, and share it with the women you love.